I'm fine, but I'm not okay

[noteful]

Meg and Dean talk about music, for about five minutes.

Maybe seven.

No more than that.

And Meg does most of the talking, though Dean seems to ease up a little, and once or twice there was something that might have been a faint attempt at a smile, though mostly he just looks tired.

They stay on their respective sides of the doorway.

Still, it's a slightly easier conversation than they've managed yet.

All forward motion counts, right?

Meg goes back to trying to hang her curtains, standing on the desk chair and fighting with the rod. It's one of the many things that would be easier if she were even three centimetres taller.

And, sure, she could probably get them put up for her, somehow, but then she just has to fill the time with something else.

Besides, she thinks she can reach . . .

Comments

[noteful]

"And . . .

"Castiel, I . . . how do I begin to be able to tell that he's sufficiently recovered from being in Hell for that?"

[thursdays_angel]

Castiel raises his eyebrows.

"I trust your judgment," he says.

"Dean is not yet aware of what will be required of him. But he will learn. And he will be equal to the challenge."

Castiel has faith.

[noteful]

God really doesn't send angels to ask easy things of a person, does He?

It takes Meg a long moment to answer.

"I . . . I think you're going to have a bit of a wait, before he's ready to go back to what you're going to ask him to do.

"He . . . for now, the answer to your question is, no, in my opinion, he's not sufficiently recovered."

[thursdays_angel]

Castiel's expression is schooled not to reveal impatience.

"Time is not unlimited," is all he says.

"But if more is needed, then it is needed."

They cannot risk losing Dean altogether.

[noteful]

"In my experience," Meg says, slowly, "giving people time up front can save of a lot of it down the road. Especially when you're asking them to deal with something that goes beyond anything they've ever had to deal with before."

Rushing things makes them much, much worse.

"This is another thing I'm not supposed to tell him, isn't it?"

[thursdays_angel]

He's not sure if she's referring to herself or Dean.

Probably Dean.

"I am not sure what can be served by telling him right now," Castiel agrees.

"If it is your instinct to not tell him, then that is likely the correct approach."

"Will you speak with him again soon?"

[noteful]

Dean in the present, herself in the past, really.

"I think . . . I'd wait on that one."

And maybe part of that is selfishly motivated. Meg doesn't want to have to explain that. Especially if she has to try to do it without being able to answer questions about how she knows.

Meg also has the feeling that Castiel trusts her judgment and her instincts far more than she does. Or than he should.

But there are questions that elicit no useful answer, and what if I get this all wrong? is probably one of them.

So Meg just nods. "Yes, soon."

She pauses.

"It might . . . when he's ready, it might not be a bad idea to let him speak with people who aren't me. Leave his room, if he feels up to it. Some kind of bridge between just dealing with me in a very controled environment and . . . resuming his life, as you put it."

[thursdays_angel]

"A slower progression. Yes."

He can see the wisdom in that.

Castiel reaches into a pocket and pulls out a key, which he hands to Meg.

"This will open the front door of his room."

"I suppose, if he goes downstairs and things go amiss, either Michael or I could intervene."

[noteful]

"Or security, if necessary," she adds.

Meg closes her hand around the key.

"Just give it to him when he's ready?" she asks.

[thursdays_angel]

As much as Castiel has faith in Security (or, more to the point, in X) he would rather keep them out of this particular equation. Just for the sake of simplicity.

They will watch. Just in case.

Castiel hesitates for a moment, then nods.

"Yes. When he is ready."

This is a necessary step toward completing the mission.

[noteful]

Meg doesn't bother to ask how she's supposed to know.

Something tells her that, too, will be left to her judgment.

"All right."

[thursdays_angel]

Castiel nods and stands up.

"I will leave you to your work."

Making progress means that, for now, he needs to be elsewhere.

[noteful]

"I'm sure I'll see you soon," Meg says.

"Just . . . really do knock next time, please.

"I'd life to avoid dropping anything else on you."

[thursdays_angel]

"I was not damaged."

"But I will knock next time."

"And yes. You will see me soon."

He can guarantee it.

[noteful]

When he's gone, Meg makes a third (and finally successful) attempt at hanging the curtains.

Which means that whatever's keeping her from napping now, it's not the light from the window.

She reads ten pages of Sense and Sensibility and eight of Jane of Lantern Hill. She listens two minutes of Swan Lake and one half of "Fortess Around Your Heart." She paces the length and width and diagonial of the room. She makes a cup of tea and then pours it down the drain in the bathroom sink.

She gives serious thought to screaming at the top of her lungs.

And then, before she can talk herself out of it, again, she writes Dean, I've stepped out but I'll be back soon. Meg on a piece of paper and slides it under the door between their rooms.

And then she grabs her knitting bag and heads downstairs.