OOM-but-not

[noteful]

Things are a bit busy at home right now. It's a good sort of busy, but it's also a very busy sort of busy.

So Meg is gratefully taking advantage of an unexpected trip to the end of the universe, where she take an hour to sit and have a cup of tea and read her book, without messing up anyone's schedules or getting behind on anything.

Some days, it's the little things.

Comments

[gavemea_45]

"He didn't feel much like talking about it."

Sam sounds tired, but not surprised.

"Said it sucked, and he's glad it's over."

[noteful]

"Well, it definitely sucked," Meg says. "It was the hardest thing I've ever done, I hope to God it will remain the hardest thing I've ever done, and my experience with it all pales, utterly, in comparison to his.

"In comparison to yours, too, no doubt.

"It was exhausting, and difficult, and at times I look back and I wonder how I did it.

"I can't even begin to imagine how he did it."

There's another moment, while she shifts the bracelets on her wrist again.

"The first thing Dean said to me was don't look at me. We spent two days communicating via notes passed under a door. I was there for a full month, and it got easier, for both of us, but it never got easy.

"That's why Castiel didn't want you there. Because there are things we go through that we don't want the people we care the most about to see us go through, and there are people we don't want mixed up in our worst memories.

"If Dean never speaks to me again, he hasn't really lost anything. We weren't friends before, and we certainly didn't become friends in that month.

"The same can hardly be said of you."

[gavemea_45]

By the time Meg stops speaking, Sam's gone a couple of shades paler. Every muscle's tense, his expression is grim, and his jaw is set in hard lines.


My experience with it all pales in comparison to his.

"You know why I don't sleep much anymore?"
"No, I don't. Why?"
"I'd say dreams, but it's really more like memories."

I can't even begin to imagine how he did it.

"Down there... they take you apart, piece by piece. Every day they cut and slice and shred until there's nothing left.
Then they do it all over again. Every, single, goddamn day."

We weren't friends before, and we certainly didn't become friends in that month.

"Forty years I was down there, Sammy. Forty years."

The same can hardly be said of you.



"You're right," he whispers, after a tense, screaming silence. "It can't."

[noteful]

"I'm sorry," Meg says.

"I don't of any way to make this any easier to talk about."

It's just hard.

Always had been.

Probably always will be.

[gavemea_45]

"Not your fault."

Sam clears his throat, then repeats it.

"It's not your fault. None of it is. You don't have anything to apologize for, Meg."

[noteful]

Meg's smile is very faint, and it doesn't last long. "Well, I'm Canadian. It's kind of what we do."

There's a slight pause.

"There are things I can't tell you and things I won't tell you, but if you have other questions, I'll try to answer them."

[gavemea_45]

"I... don't think so."

Even if she could tell him, there's no way he wants to put her through that again.

"Or, wait. I don't... I just..."



"Thanks."

[noteful]

"You're welcome," Meg says.

"And feel free to treat that as a standing offer, Sam. If it make anything easier for you or Dean or both of you."

It's never been what Meg needed, after all.

And she knew that when she agreed to do it.

[gavemea_45]

"Thanks," he says again, more quietly than before.

"I owe you one."

[noteful]

Meg nods.

(She doesn't tell him that he doesn't, because there are certain statements you don't throw back in people's faces, even if you don't really believe them to be in your debt.)

"Will you two be all right?"

[gavemea_45]

There's no hesitation.

"Yeah."

He makes himself smile, at least a little.

"Yeah, we will. It's kinda rough right now, but -- it's just gonna take some time, that's all."

And Lilith's death; that'll help, too.

[noteful]

Meg nods again.

"It's not thing to rush.

"And, hey. If all else fails, there are always board games.

"Dean and I played a lot of them."

[gavemea_45]

"You did?"

He can't quite imagine it, but he finds the idea oddly striking.

"Which ones?"

[noteful]

"Risk," Meg says. "Battleship. Stratego.

"A lot of poker, too. I generally lost.

"He didn't care much for Monopoly."

[gavemea_45]

It startles a laugh from him.

"No, I guess not."

A beat.

"And yeah, Dean's pretty good at poker."

[noteful]

"A much kinder way to put it than to say that I'm pretty bad at it," Meg says.

"But, yes, he is.

"I lost a lot of M&Ms to him."

[gavemea_45]

"At least you weren't playing for cash," he points out.

[noteful]

The stakes were high enough, really.

"I'd probably still be paying him back if we had been."

[gavemea_45]

"Tell you what: challenge him to pool sometime. Uh, learn how to play first if you don't already know, and then challenge him."

He tries another smile. This one's steadier.

"You can win it all back while he's surprised, maybe."

[noteful]

Meg seriously doubts her and Dean Winchester's collective future involves many (any) friendly games of pool.

But that's not the point, really, of this part of the conversation.

"Couldn't I just challenge him to something I'm already good at?

"Like . . . knitting, or crossword puzzles?"

[gavemea_45]

Sam looks amused.

"Crossword -- you might be surprised."

Whether he's telling the truth or not, no one can say.

"But if you get him in a knitting competition, I want pictures."

[noteful]

"That could possibly be arranged," Meg says.

Not probably, but possibly.

[gavemea_45]

He grins at that, although it fades quickly. Sam shifts in his seat.

"I should, um ... I should probably get back before it gets too late. I think I'm supposed to be bringing dinner, so..."

[noteful]

"Of course," Meg says.

"I hope things work out. For both of you."

She'll be praying for them.

"Have a good evening, Sam."

[gavemea_45]

"You too, Meg."

He gets to his feet, then hesitates by her table.

"And, uh, if I don't see you again before - happy wedding, okay?"

[noteful]

"Thank you," Meg says, with a soft sort of smile.

"Be well."

[gavemea_45]

"You too."

Sam raises his hand in a small, slightly awkward wave, and heads off toward the door.