Glastonbury, 25 December 1988

[noteful]

It's not quite three in the morning, and Meg Ford is staring at the ceiling in her sister's study/storage/catch all/guest room.

She could blame the insomnia on the fact that her sense of time is thrown off by a seven-hour flight and a five-hour time change and a church service that got them back to Kim's house past midnight, and that would be legitimate, really. But the simple fact of the matter is that for most of her life, she hasn't slept well at Christmas. There's too much to stay awake and think about.

When Meg had been not-quite-four, she woke Kim up at four in the morning to tell her that Santa Claus had been there. (Meg had evidence to present. She had checked, and the stockings that had been flat and empty when she'd gone to bed were definitely fat and full now.) And a fourteen-year old Kim, rather than telling her little sister to go back to bed, had obligingly gone downstairs to see, too, and then made them both cocoa so they could sit by the tree and guess what was in the boxes.

By the time Meg was the one who was fourteen, it was one of those deeply ingrained, if wholly unofficial, traditions that spring up around holidays.

And in the last three years, it's become one of the many holiday traditions that has undeniably, though again unofficially, fallen by the wayside for the Fords. When Kim met them at the airport, it was the first time the four of them had been in the same room in nearly four years. That's a lot to ask traditions to withstand.

Meg's actually glad they're not trying to do this at her parents' house, with all those old habits and patterns and expectations lying in wait to trip them up. The Ghost of Christmas Past was cruel, in a lot of ways. It's much more a year to focus on the whole Come in! And know me better thing.

It would not be accurate to say it's been a perfectly easy, like-nothing-ever-happened visit. There have been awkward moments, certainly. But they've been a strangely easy sort of awkward, the sort that's diffused with wry smiles and phrases like I'm sorry, after you.

All in all, it's been a quiet couple days. They've been for walks in twos and threes and all together, and played card games, and filled Kim's nook of a kitchen with baked goods. Kim took them into town, to show their father the clinic where she works, and to shop, and to play tourist. They've had dinners at Kim's house, and lunches in the restaurant nearest the inn their parents are staying in because Kim's home is not really designed for three houseguests.

They're all having to relearn how to do this, to be a family, and sometimes it's very hard and sometimes it's as easy as breathing.

It's a mix, this Christmas, of new and old, of the tried and true and the new and the risky, compromises and oh but we have to's, the traditions that have survived and the innovations that will replace them.

And when the clock on the desk reads 3:04, Meg decides she's spent more than enough time staring at the ceiling. She pulls a sweater on over her pajamas, and steps into her loafers, and goes down the hall to the living area to see which of those lists joint sororal Christmas insomnia belongs on.

Comments

[noteful]

"I'll believe it when I see it," Meg says.

[bannion_sight]

"Stay awake long enough-- if you can-- and you will," she teases.

[noteful]

"Guess I will," Meg says.

(And be in bed early tomorrow.)

"The service tonight was really nice.

"They have a good choir."

[bannion_sight]

"They do, don't they?" Kim agrees. "I think it's a pretty close-knit group, too."

[noteful]

"That makes sense.

"They probably spend a lot of time together, practicing."

[bannion_sight]

"I guess."

She shrugs.

"I mean, probably they do."

[noteful]

"Kim?

"Are you okay?"

[bannion_sight]

"Hm?"

She looks startled.

"Sure -- why?"

[noteful]

"I don't know.

"Just . . . seemed the thing to ask."

Or something.

[bannion_sight]

"Oh."

Kim shrugs, and takes a sip of her cocoa.

"No, everything's fine. I just don't know much about the church. I'm not there that often."

Or ever, really, aside from major holidays when family are present.

[noteful]

That piece of information doesn't really surprise Meg.

"It's not for everyone," she says.

"And you'd probably wind up with a lot more insistance and marmalade, if you were."

[bannion_sight]

"Definitely a reason to stay clear, then," Kim laughs. "I certainly don't need any more marmalade!"

[noteful]

"Unless you wound up with a whole group of marmalade fiends over for tea one day.

"I think Dad likes it.

"I don't know that he likes it that much, though."

[bannion_sight]

"I don't think Jennie even likes it that much."

"I think that's why she gives it away."

[noteful]

"I guess that's a good thing to do with things you don't like."

Meg eyes the presents under the tree suspiciously.

"You got me marmalade, didn't you?"

[bannion_sight]

Kim grins, and looks smug.

"I'm not telling."

[noteful]

"Guess I'll have to wait till the morning.

"Or the later morning."

Meg sips her cocoa.

"I got you Marmite."

[bannion_sight]

She gasps, and puts a hand to her throat dramatically.

"Marmite?! You shouldn't have!"

[noteful]

"When did that ever stop me?" Meg asks.

"You know, aside from pretty much all the time?"

[bannion_sight]

Kim can't quite keep a straight face, and starts giggling.

"Okay, you have a point."

Maybe. Possibly.

[noteful]

"One of these days, I will get around to breaking a rule," Meg says, keeping her straight face.

For now.

[bannion_sight]

"That'll be a red-letter day, I think," Kim tells her. "We'll have to throw a parade, or something."

[noteful]

"There's something just wrong with that statement," Meg says.

"May be a while, anyway. I like rules.

"They make life easier."

[bannion_sight]

"I've noticed."

Dryly, but without judgment.

"And there's something to be said for that, I suppose. When it works."

[noteful]

"In nineteen years, I would hope so."

Meg's pretty much always been a rule-follower.

"The same thing that can be said for anything, when it works?"